The Quest for the Missing Tezuka
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Captain Atobe of the Rondo to Destruction is on a search for the missing Captain Tezuka. He has a dysfunctional crew, lavender scented handtowels, and he doesn't like it when his toilet explodes.
1. I don't do missing persons!

A/N: Ah, I suppose that bits of this are ripped off of various sci-fi shows I've watched in my lifetime. My mother likes them, and so do I, on occasion...I did try tennis in space in one of my PoT fairy tales, but this has a slightly different flavor. Heh. It seemed like fun, so I decided to try it.

Captain Atobe Keigo was not amused.

"Admiral, I have just arrived home from a very lengthy mission," he said. "It is time for my well-earned holiday."

"I am well aware of that, Captain Atobe, but something drastic has come up," Admiral Sakaki said. "Captain Tezuka has gone missing, and I want you to retrieve him."

"Ore-sama? I don't _do_ missing persons," Atobe said, narrowing his (beautiful) eyes.

"If you can find him, you will be labelled a hero," Admiral Sakaki said, "And you will be admired by all."

Atobe snorted. "I am already admired by all. Although..." He knew that Captain Tezuka Kunimitsu was widely respected and admired, almost as much as Atobe was adored, so if he were to retrieve the man...

"I've chosen you for this task because I know you are the best," the Admirial said, "and you are the only one I feel that can find him. There are dangerous enemies out there, as you well know."

The Admiral certainly knew how Atobe's mind worked, if he was appealing to Atobe's ego. Ah, but Atobe was smarter than to let someone trick him into things like this, but he knew that all of what he'd said was true...and he wouldn't mind a little hero-worship.

After all, how hard could it be to find Captain Tezuka? Space was vast and limitless, but the direction he'd been traveling in was well-known: he'd been on his way to negotiate with the planet Demon. He must have gotten lost along the way, somewhere, and there were not all that many ships in space...

"Captain Tezuka's disappearance is being kept a secret from the public. The official reason for your mission is negotiations on the planet Panta Loon. Understood?"

Atobe nodded, and saluted his admiral. (Though it always pained him to salute, he knew that someday, _he_ would be on the receiving end of the salutes of all officers, since he was bound to become Admiral himself one day.)

"Re-gather your crew. You will leave in one week," Admiral Sakaki said.

"Yes, sir." (That also pained Atobe, but he could put up with it, for just a little longer...Maybe this mission was just what he needed to get a promotion.)

Captain Atobe Keigo went to find his second-in-command, the tall looming Giant Kabaji. A man of few words and probably even less thought. He'd picked up the Giant on his home planet a few years before, and he was the most useful servant -- crew member that he had.

"Kabaji. Get in touch with the crew, and tell them to meet back here in one week. We have a new mission."

"Usu."

Atobe decided to use the week to pamper himself. After all, space was harsh. On his last mission, he'd actually broken a _nail._

~~~~~

One week later, Atobe stood before his crew, eyeing them critically.

"If any of you weaklings feel that you can't handle another mission so soon after the last one, then you'd better leave now. I can find a replacement for you easily enough. I don't want any pansies on my ship! Do you understand me, aa?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Bastard."

Atobe narrowed his eyes. "Shishido! I heard that."

Shishido grumbled something unintelligible. Atobe let it slide. His pilot tended to be like that. While it was annoying, Atobe couldn't deny the fact that Shishido was the best pilot around. He'd almost been expelled from his university because he'd failed one of the tougher exams -- but after that, he'd studied so hard that he had the top grades in his class, and even the top grades of most other classes in all of the universities...well, on Earth, really.

"So, does anyone feel like backing out?" Atobe asked.

"No, sir!"

"Just let us on the damn ship already! I'm tired of standing here. My feet hurt."

The last comment could have only been made by their resident chef, Mukahi. Mukahi was from the planet Whine...making him...a Whiner. He lacked ability in the cooking department, but he demanded to work in that position, because it had the best pay. No one wanted to argue with a Whiner, so Atobe let him have that position -- provided that he came with them in case of emergency. Whiners had mysterious powers that came in handy on more than one occasion. The most distinctive thing about Whiners was the third eye in their foreheads, but Mukahi's was usually covered by his triangular bangs.

"Then board the ship. Remember, the official reason for this mission is negotiations on planet Panta Loon, but never forget that our real mission is to rescue Captain Tezuka and make my reputation even more glorious than it already is!"

There were a few grumbles, especially loud in Shishido's direction.

"And stop complaining, you infidels! Board the damn ship, now!"

~~~~~

Atobe drummed his fingers on the (rather plush) armrest of the captain's chair. There just wasn't anything to _do_ in the first few hours of space travel. The space surrounding Earth was terribly unexciting, since he'd seen it so many times. He loved travelling beyond, into places he'd never explored; or, even better, into places that no one had ever explored.

Of course he loved the Earth, and all its luxuries, but there was nothing quite like a mission in space.

"Captain. It's almost time to enter warp speed," Shishido said. Atobe felt a smirk coming on. Oh, he _loved_ this part.

"Jiroh."

A faint snore was the only answer to his summons. He cleared his throat into the communications device.

"_Jiroh._"

"Wha--?"

"Is the engine ready for warp speed?"

"Warp speed? Oh yeah, warp speed! It's _so_ ready for warp speed! Wah! I love it!"

Atobe sighed, a long-suffering sigh. He would have replaced Jiroh with someone less...strange, but Jiroh was the best -- and he would have only the best, even if Jiroh _did_ sleep most of the time. 

"Warp five, Shishido."

"Yeah, I know that already."

"Don't talk back to your captain, insolent dog."

Shishido muttered something that sounded like "Up yours," and the ship entered warp five.

~~~~~

In a matter of a few hours, they were far, far from Earth. The feeling was absolutely thrilling. Captain Atobe was in his element, at the command of his ship, and...

"Captain."

Atobe glared at the one who'd dared disturb his happy thoughts. "What is it?"

"I don't think that Hiyoshi is feeling well, sir," said Ohtori. Ohtori was the crew's doctor, and looked out for everyone's health -- maybe a little too well.

"Is he seriously ill?" Atobe demanded. If he wasn't, then he really didn't care to know about it.

"Well...we had to give him a sedative. He was acting...very put-out," Ohtori said.

"Oh?" Atobe raised an eyebrow. Since when did the crew's janitor have any right to act up?

"He was threatening one of the crew with a broom," Ohtori explained, "And all he kept saying was 'gekokujyou'."

"Hmm." Yes, that brat was really annoying, but he was the best damn janitor Atobe had ever found -- even if he did want to take over Atobe's position, and maybe even the entire universe if he could get his hands on it.

"Send him to see Oshitari, then. If he keeps complaining, have Oshitari wipe his memory. Again."

"Yes, sir."

Atobe sighed. Maybe he _would_ have to find a new janitor, one of these days. It was such an inconvenience to have Oshitari wipe his memory every other week, in attempts to keep him quiet.

Oshitari was the ship's psychiatrist. He was a Pervert, from the planet Hentai. Perverts generally had markings all over most of their bodies, but since Oshitari always covered up, no one knew for certain what his markings looked like. (Except for maybe Mukahi, but no one was willing to ask him, because he probably would have answered.)

Atobe consulted with his very high-tech wristwatch, and decided it was time for dinner. 

~~~~~

Mukahi took the egg from the simulator, cracked it, and dropped the shell into it. He then handed the bowl to his next customer.

"Here's your damn food," he said. "Next."

Atobe decided to have dinner in his room, from his own personal simulator. He really needed to have a talk with Mukahi about his methods of cooking, if he wanted to remain the cook...but the Whiner was just so damn useful.

Still, this was going to be an easy mission, so maybe he would have Oshitari try and talk Mukahi into being a little more agreeable. Oshitari was very good with persuasion, especially where the cook was involved, due to his talents as a psychiatrist, hypnotist, and...well...Pervert.

Atobe didn't care to know the details of the last, however.

~~~~~

"We're receiving a call from the other ship, sir." The communications officer, Oishi, looked up from his controls. "Anou...it's not a very nice message, either."

"Put him on screen," Atobe commanded.

Atobe was greeted with a rather terrifying site. It was so...colorful...

"Ah, Captain Atobe, I presume? I've heard of your ship, the _Rondo to Destruction._ It's very quaint...although the tennis ball shape is very passé."

Judging by the very vibrant color of the man's attire, he could only be...

"Space-pirate Mizuki."

"That's right!"

Space-pirate Mizuki was infamous, almost everywhere. He constantly robbed any and all ships of gold, jewels, feul...and sexy men.

"I want to issue a challenge, Captain Atobe. Man to man."

Man to man? Someone with a ship called _The Purple Terror_ was challenging him for a man to man fight? Somehow, it didn't feel right.

"I have no desire to fight with anyone," Captain Atobe said smoothly. "The Universal Alliance promotes True Peace."

"You're just afraid that you'll lose."

"..."

"Of course, I understand...just hand over your gold and jewel, and the sexiest man you have on board."

"..."

"Ugh, and if _you_ are the sexiest, then don't bother."

"Bring on your fight, girly man."

Mizuki smirked. "Excellent. Prepare yourself for the battle of the century, Atobe."

~~~~~


	2. Mizuki the Purple Space Pirate

Part 2

"Sengoku. Prepare missiles," Atobe commanded. "We're going to blast that lacy buffoon out of the sky!"

"Yes, sir!" Sengoku chirped. The shooter had somewhat good aim, but better luck, and was able to hit more targets than someone with infinitely more practice than he had.

"Now, now, Captain Atobe. You shouldn't be so hasty," Mizuki said, with a smirk on his face. "If you destroy my ship, you'll also be destroying...him!" 

Mizuki made a wide and flamboyant gesture towards someone who was tied up and being held by a member of Mizuki's crew.

Atobe cursed. "When the hell did you kidnap _him_?" he demanded. He didn't ask how they had kidnapped him; it would be easy to beam aboard and snatch up the chief of engineering...since he slept all day, anyway, he wouldn't put up much of a fight. Atobe couldn't afford to lose Jiroh, though. The engine was a rather important part of the ship, after all.

"While we've been talking. You really are stupid you know, to fall for the 'buying time' tactic." Mizuki let out a high-pitched shriek of a laugh that made the crew of the _Rondo to Destruction_ cover their ears and scream.

"If you want your precious sleepyhead back, you're going to have to come over here and get him," Mizuki said, "And bring all of your valuables."

The image of Mizuki winked out.

Atobe found himself developing a headache. He called for his chief of security.

"Akutsu. You will come with me to the _Purple Terror_ --" (shudder) "--to rescue the rather hopeless chief of engineering."

Akutsu narrowed his eyes. "You can't give _me_ orders."

"I'm your captain."

"Yeah, well, I'm Akutsu! Akutsu Jin! Don't mess with me!"

"Aah, Akutsu-sempai, you have to obey the captain, desu, or he'll throw you into space, desu!" wailed Dan Taichi, Akutsu's second-in-command (through some strange turn of events that no one understood, considering that Akutsu was the type who would rather die than have a second in command.)

One of Akutsu's eyes became considerably larger than the other. "Why the hell should I obey that idiot?"

"I told you, he'll throw you into space if you don't, desu! And this is what you're getting paid for, desu!"

"Hm, that's actually a good point."

Atobe's headache increased. "Sengoku. If we don't return in three hours, blow the damn purple ship up. Kabaji will take over in my absence." Oh, how heroic he sounded! Of course, if he couldn't rescue Jiroh within two hours, he planned to return anyway.

"Oh, I get to shoot in three hours? Lucky!"

Atobe's eye twitched. "Must you say that every time?"

Sengoku shrugged. "If I didn't, then I wouldn't get to be in the story at all, would I?"

"Dan, you're in charge of security while we're gone."

"I'll do my best, desu!"

"Mr. Inui." Atobe turned to his science officer. Inui was one of the Genuises from the planet Tensai. He had the pointed ears and vast intellect of his race, though his eyes, which would have been a vibrant purple, were hidden away by thick glasses. Atobe also suspected that Inui was part Pervert, but he really didn't want to know.

"Do you know anything about the _Purple Terror_? Besides the fact that it's an abomination, of course."

"Well, there's a seventy-five percent chance that some of the rumors I've heard are true, concerning some of his crew members."

"Such as?"

"He might have a Demon and a Glurb on board."

Had Atobe been the type to gasp, he would have gasped. He had a hard time holding it in, as it was. Demons he could handle -- they had some strange powers, but Atobe was strong. Glurbs, on the other hand...were terrifying.

"Thank you for the warning, Mr. Inui. Let's go, Akutsu."

"Don't tell me what to do! I'm Akutsu, Akutsu Jin, and --"

Captain Atobe sighed. There were times when he wished he was able to settle for less than the best, because then he wouldn't have so many terribly _annoying_ crew members.

~~~~~

The interior of the _Purple Terror_ was a hundred times more traumatizing than the exterior. There were a million shades of purple, ranging from periwinkle to royal violet, _everywhere_, not to mention some of the varying shades of pink, green, and blue, mostly in pastel.

"My eyes are bleeding!" Akutsu wailed. He was a tough guy, and could take almost anything, but the girliness insulted his machoness. "I'm allergic to pastel colors!"

"This pirate has absolutely no taste," Captain Atobe said disapprovingly. "If he wasn't such a bastard I would recommend him to my interior decorator."

"...Atobe, you're a pansy."

"You know that I have the power to decrease your pay?"

"...I like pansies."

They were escorted to the bridge, where something awful was waiting.

"Ah, so you've arrived, Captain!" Mizuki the purple space-pirate exclaimed. He was clothed all in a sickening shade of fuchsia. To his right stood an angry-looking boy with an x-shaped scar on his head. From the redness of his eyes, he was the demon that Mr. Inui had warned them about.

To his left stood...a Glurb. 

The most distinctive (and frightening thing) about Glurbs were their giant, protruding lips.

Captain Atobe had to fight to control his urge to run screaming from the room. He had only encountered a few Glurbs in his lifetime, and that was a few times too many.

"So, have you brought me my valuables?" Mizuki cooed.

"No, I brought my chief of security instead, to kick your sorry ass." Atobe flashed a brilliant smile.

"Oh really? Akazawa! Kill the prisoner!"

A tall man in a corner held a knife to Jiroh's throat. (He was still fast asleep, somehow. He could really sleep through anything, even his own kidnapping.)

Captain Atobe decided it was time to start playing dirty. He grabbed the Demon to Mizuki's right. "If you kill my engineer, I'll kill your Demon!"

Mizuki snapped his fingers. Several men surrounded Akutsu.

"If you kill my Demon, I'll kill your chief of security!"

"If you kill my chief of security, I'll have my shooter blow up your damn ship!"

"If you blow up my damn ship, I'm taking you to Hell with me!"

"Oh yeah? If you take me to Hell with you, then I --"

"For the gods' sake, Atobe, let's just get this over with!" Akutsu growled. With several flicks of his wrist, the men surrounded him were unconscious. He advanced on Mizuki...

...who cowered in his chair like a snivelling mass.

"No, don't hurt my pretty face!" he wailed. "Yanagisawa, take care of him!"

The Glurb to Mizuki's left advanced on Akutsu. His protruding lips parted slightly, and dripping fangs became visible. "Da neee!" he said. "Da ne!"

Akutsu covered his ears, dropped to his knees, and began twitching on the floor.

Atobe watched in horror. Oh, imagine, the horror of having those lips directed at you...

No, he had to be strong, and rescue Jiroh, so he could get back to the ship in time for his pedicure!

He shoved the Demon he was holding into Mizuki, and ran for Jiroh, who came very close to having his sleeping throat slashed open. He knocked the man holding him to the floor, scooped Jiroh up and threw him across his shoulder.

"You should feel privileged to be resting on ore-sama's shoulder!" he told the sleeping man.

Jiroh's eyes blinked open. "Huh? Atobe's letting me ride on his shoulder? Yay!" he exclaimed, and he started kicking his feet. Atobe used those feet to his advantage, and ploughed his way through the crew of the _Purple Terror._ He grabbed one of Akutsu's arms along the way, and dragged him along.

The three of them retreated to the _Rondo to Destruction._

"Sengoku! Blast them away!" Atobe commanded, once he was back on the bridge. He was of course NOT out of breath, because he was in perfect shape.

"Right!" Sengoku hit a few random buttons. "Hey, I hit them! Lucky!"

Seven veins popped out on Atobe's head, but he said nothing.

The _Purple Terror_ spiralled down, and down, until it was out of sight.

The _Rondo to Destruction_ returned to its previously scheduled programming.

~~~~~

Yuuta, the Demon second-in-command of the _Purple Terror,_ blinked against the harsh sunlight.

"The air is breathable," he told his captain.

Captain Mizuki, the purple space-pirate, emerged from the ship. "What planet is this, though?" He looked around, and suddenly, his eyes widened. "Oh no..."

"What is it, Mizuki-san?"

"We've crash-landed on the planet...Manly Man," Mizuki said, voice barely above a whisper. His face was very pale.

"I'll get you for this, Atobe Keigo, if it's the last thing I do!"

~~~~~

"Please, describe to me how you feel," Oshitari said, soothingly.

Akutsu sniffled. "I...I feel frightened. I'm scared that he's going to come after me again. I see him in my nightmares every night! Every time, he says it...Oh, he says those words..."

"What words?"

"Da ne!" Akutsu burst into tears. Oshitari patted him on the back. "There, there. It will get better with time, I promise."

"How can it ever get better, when all that I can think about are those horrible lips?" Akutsu wailed.

~~~~~

"Captain Atobe...many of the crew members have been coming down with a strange illness," Doctor Ohtori said. "It seemed like a common cold, but it's turning out to be a lot more serious than that."

"What are the symptoms?"

"Well, like I said, it starts off as a common cold, and then...

"And then?"

"Well, it seems to vary from person to person, but...Hiyoshi was the first one to catch it, and he's...well..."

"Spit it out, man!"

Ohtori didn't have to spit it out, because at that moment, Hiyoshi walked by. He was clad in a white disco outfit, complete with platforms and sequins. There was also a flower in his hair. He was belting out a bad rendition of "Stayin' Alive."

"You see what I mean, Captain?"

"..." Captain Atobe could hardly fathom what he had just seen. "Did you try sending him to Oshitari?" 

"Even a memory-wipe doesn't help, sir. It's not psychological."

"Damn. Get to work on finding an antidote right away."

"I will sir, and...Is it all right if I alert the crew members that there is to be no excessive contact with each other over the course of the next few days, so as not to spread the illness?"

"You can try, but in certain cases, I doubt if that order will be followed," Atobe said, looking pointedly at Shishido, then Ohtori. "Make sure that you follow that order, as well."

Ohtori...blushed. "Um...yes sir." He rushed off.

Actually, Atobe was more worried about people like Oshitari and Mukahi. They would probably be the next to go. How was he going to be able to deal with anything, if his entire crew got sick?

~~~~~

To be continued...


	3. Kabaji the Swimsuit Model

A/N: I'm glad that this bit of insanity is so well-received! It's going to be about nine parts long. I couldn't include absolutely everyone, but oh, how I tried! Heh. In part three...the illness runs wild! Traumatizing things are in store for you! Ah, and part four is even stupider, look forward to it!

Part 3

Captain Atobe Keigo...was traumatized.

"Doctor Ohtori...have you come any closer to finding an antidote?" he asked, attempting to put..._that_...out of his mind.

"Um...no, I haven't. I don't know what caused it...um...Captain, do you think you could maybe order him to leave, because it's hard to think when..."

"I already tried ordering to leave. He's not listening," Atobe replied. "Believe me, I've tried."

"Ah, where did he get that bikini anyway...?"

"I have no idea."

"Ah."

Captain Atobe did not often worry about others, but he was worried now. If the sickness continued to spread as fast as it was, then he might have even _worse_ things to deal with that Kabaji in a bikini following him around everywhere.

"The janitor was the first to start suffering from the symptoms, correct?"

Doctor Ohtori nodded.

"I'll try questioning him about what he was doing before he became sick. It's a long shot, but...we really have nothing to lose. Take care of the patients, Ohtori, and...don't let any more of them escape from the sick ward."

"Yes, sir."

"You might also want to take Mukahi down from the ceiling. Even if he does think he's a monkey, I don't want him destroying any of the light fixtures."

"Yes, sir."

"And for the gods' sakes...Please try to make sure that Jiroh doesn't get his hands on a communicator while he's ill. He was...singing...to me last night."

"Um...yes, sir."

Atobe went tot he bedside of the janitor.

"Janitor."

Hiyoshi turned to glare at him. "Gekokujyou!" he growled. Thankfully, he had lost the disco suit some time ago. It appeared that after a certain amount of mental instability, the victim of the illness became bedridden and actually physically ill.

"I need you to answer a few questions for me, janitor."

"Hiyoshi! Damn it all, my frigging name is HIYOSHI!"

Atobe gave him a _look_. "Just answer my questions, slave."

Hiyoshi mumbled something unintelligible, and Atobe continued. "Do you remember exactly when you started to feel sick?"

"Well, my head got all stuffy a couple days ago..."

"What were you doing at the time?"

"Cleaning out some storage areas. I found this weird goop in one of them..."

Weird goop. Well, that sounded promising. "What did the weird goop look like?"

"Well, it was purple, and..."

So, it was sabotage. Mizuki had planted some purple goop in his few seconds on the ship, in case things hadn't gone his way.

"That explains everything. What did you do with this purple goop?"

"I threw it in the trash. It should still be there, since no one _else_ ever takes care of the trash."

"That is your job, after all."

"Damn it, I should be captain! Gekoku-"

"Oh, shut up. There is one other thing I'm curious about. "Doctor Ohtori has informed me that this disease is spread only through...extensive physical contact. How did it spread from you?" It was understandable that Mukahi had contracted the sickness from Oshitari, and that Oshitari had contracted it from sharing his drink with Jiroh, who had contracted it from...?

Hiyoshi...blushed.

Atobe decided he didn't want to know how the chain of events had occurred. He especially didn't want to know how Kabaji had contracted the disease.

Atobe told Doctor Ohtori about the purple goo that would be in the trash, and Ohtori sent someone down to get it. They would carefully analyze some of it, and the rest would be safely disposed of.

Within a few hours, Doctor Ohtori had created an antidote, and soon, Atobe's crew were back to normal. Well, as normal as his crew ever got, anyway.

~~~~~

"Ah, Captain, it's very rare that I see you here," Oshitari said, in that purring Pervert voice of his. "Have you come to visit me, or have you come for consultation?"

"Why would I bother visiting? Of course I've come for a consultation!"

"Tell me your problems, then."

"Ore-sama does not _have_ any problems...I've just been having a few nightmares, that's all, and I wondered if you had some way of helping me sleep."

"Hypnosis is always a good way. Tell me, what are these nightmares about?"

"Well...due to certain circumstances that occurred recently, I...I've been having nightmares about Kabaji in that bikini."

Oshitari nodded. "That's understandable. I'll just wipe that memory from your memory bank, yes?"

Atobe nodded. "I think that would be for the best. Oh, and while you're at it...do you mind erasing the memory of Mr. Inui parading around in the nude, and the memory of Sengoku in bondage gear, and...well, maybe even the memory of yourself in the pink sundress?"

Oshitari nodded. "I would be delighted to relieve you of that particular memory."

"On second thought...never mind. I think I'll keep all my memories and take up writing horror novels."

~~~~~

"Captain! Captain!"

"What?" Atobe demanded crossly. He was in the middle of watching his favorite soap opera, and this lowlife DARED to interrupt him for something as trivial as --

"The toilet exploded in my face, captain! Others are reporting similar occurrences! Toilets are exploding all over the ship! Several crew-members have sustained serious injuries!"

"..." 

"And there is a huge line-up at the only toilet that hasn't exploded yet!"

"..."

"Can I use your bathroom? I've really got to go!"

"Go stand in line." Atobe was not going to let one of his lackeys use his own personal bathroom, with the lavender scented hand towels! 

In any case, he would have to deal with this situation somehow. Either some extensive plumbing was needed...or something more sinister was occurring...

TBC


	4. Oresama no toilet

Part 4

It was like Hell on Earth. Except they weren't on Earth, they were on a tennis ball-shaped space-ship, named after one of Captain Atobe's tennis moves. So it was more like...Hell on a tennis ball.

Toilets were exploding everywhere. The bathrooms on the ship were closing, one by one, and many of the crew members were suffering from severe injuries from the things exploding in their faces when they went to flush. "Out of Order" signs were being made like they were going out of style.

Captain Atobe Keigo was not amused. More and more people were showing up at the door of his bedroom, begging and pleading (or sometimes even demanding) to use his own personal bathroom (with the lavender scented hand towels!). The worst occasion was when Atobe went into the bathroom to take care of some business, and spotted Jiroh on _his_ toilet. Jiroh just grinned sleepily at him. Atobe's eyes narrowed. _No one_ used Atobe Keigo's bathroom and got away with it.

No one dared to ask why Jiroh was sleeping in the hallway outside of the Captain's quarters with his pants around his ankles.

"Mr. Inui. Have you ever heard of situations such as this?" Atobe asked his science officer, as he massaged his temples (well, actually, as he made Kabaji massage his temples).

"Never," Inui said. "Quite frankly, this baffles me, as well."

Captain Atobe sighed. "Something has to be done about this," he said, and he went back to his room to take a leak.

His toilet exploded in his face. He was not harmed, but as he left his room that day, the very fires of Hell shot out of his eyes. He returned to Mr. Inui, dripping wet, and turned a very angry gaze on him.

"Something has to be done about this _now._ Do you have any suggestions, Mr. Inui?"

Mr. Inui decided to think of some suggestions fast, or he feared he would lose any number of vital body parts as Atobe's rage increased.

"I will do some research," Mr. Inui said, and he retreated, leaving a very pissed off Atobe to attend to his current state.

~~~~~

"After some extensive research, and several pots of coffee, I have discovered something interesting," Mr. Inui said. He stood before a few of the members of the crew who had gathered together for an emergency meeting.

"Lucky!" Sengoku chirped. 

"Shut the hell up!" Akutsu exclaimed. "You're an annoying bastard!"

"Akutsu-sempai! Don't kill Sengoku-sempai, desu!"

"As I was saying, I discovered something interesting that --"

"Please, stop fighting! Why can't we all just get along?!"

"I hate you, too!"

"Ack, Akutsu-sempai, don't kill Oishi-sempai either!"

"Some interesting data that --"

"Can I leave now? The ship can't fly itself for long, you know. Auto-pilot only goes so far..."

"Don't worry, Shishido-san. Kabaji is there, and he's had all the necessary training."

"Yeah, but do you really think I can trust him to fly the ship?"

"Shishido-san..."

"Something interesting came up in my research --"

"Why can't they just get together already?"

"Are you reading yaoi manga, Yuushi?"

"Why yes, Gakuto. Do you want to borrow some?"

"..." Captain Atobe...twitched. "For the gods' sakes, you idiots, just listen to Mr. Inui already so we can get this godsdamned meeting over with!"

Silence ensued.

"Thank you, Captain. As I was saying, I came across something interesting. I found extensive data on a species known as 'space-elves'. They are mischievous creatures that will often invade random ships and cause various problems for its inhabitants."

"Like exploding toilets?"

"Yes, like exploding toilets."

"Lucky!"

"I told you already to shut up!"

Atobe slammed his fist on the table. "I'll give a massive raise to whoever can find the space-elves first."

There was a mad dash for the door as everyone (save for Mukahi, who already got paid twice as much as he should have, and Oshitari, who was caught up in his manga) decided that they wanted to be the first to find the space-elves.

~~~~~

Captain Atobe was feeling rather sadistic as he glared down at the two little people that he'd just been presented.

"Thank you, janitor, you've done well."

"Haven't I already told you that my name is Hiyoshi, you bastard?!"

Atobe raised an eyebrow. "You can forget about the pay raise."

"Whatever! I don't care about how much I'm getting paid! I'm going to be the captain when you die! I'm --"

"Thank you for bringing me the space-elves. Now get out of my sight," Atobe commanded. Hiyoshi turned a strange shade of purple, then he left.

"Now, you two...what to do with you." There was an evil glint in Atobe's eye. The two space-elves trembled. 

"First, tell me your names."

They managed to stutter out a reply. They were called Banji and Eiji, and they were only out for a little bit of fun, and...

"You made ore-sama's toilet blow up in ore-sama's face. Now, you shall pay." Atobe bared his fangs.

Banji and Eiji...screamed.

~~~~~

"Yes, please, tell me how you feel," Oshitari purred.

"Well...he looked at us really funny, and then he..." Eiji burst into sobs. His companion Banji had a constant smile on his face, but Oshitari could tell he was crying inside.

"Well, you know that's what you get when you make the Captain of the _Rondo to Destruction_ angry..."

"Yes, but...oh, I just want to go home!" Eiji wailed.

"I think that can be arranged." Oshitari smiled at them. "Don't worry about it, you'll never see Captain Atobe again."

"Oh, thank the gods, thank the gods!"

~~~~~

Captain Atobe was happily relaxing in his bath, and enjoying the view of his new toilet, that was certainly _not_ going to blow up in his face next time he needed it.

"Captain Atobe!"

"How many times have I told you not to call me on my communicator when I'm taking a bath?" Atobe demanded.

"Demo, Captain...There's a situation."

"What is it this time, Oishi?" Atobe asked with a sigh. Oishi would only bother him if it was really important, so he decided it was best to hear him out, rather than drown the communicator.

"Well, I've just received an SOS from the planet we're headed for...they are calling for someone, anyone to come and help them with their civil war."

"I don't have time for that nonsense!"

"Ah, gomen, then."

Atobe sighed, and was about to begin enjoying his bath again, when a new voice sounded in his communicator.

"Captain Atobe! Captain Atobe! We're almost out of fuel!" came Jiroh's (surprisingly awake) voice. "If we don't land and pick some up soon, we're in deep shit! And I mean deep _shit_ because it turns out the backup fuel is cow manure, and if we keep having to use that, we're going to be up to our knees in it, and --"

"Thank you, Jiroh." Atobe drowned the communicator. He would get one of the technicians to make him another personalized one in the morning. (He would _not_ use a communicator that did not have his name engraved in gold along the edge.) 

It appeared that he would have to land on the planet rifled with civil war after all. That was just his luck.

Sengoku popped his head in. "Lucky!"

Atobe threw a very large object at the orange-haired man's head.

~~~~~

TBC


	5. The Three Bakas

Part 5

Captain Atobe's plan was to land on the planet, get the fuel, and then leave. However, when his communications officer approached him on hands and knees, and began begging him to try and help out the poor people of the poor planet...Atobe's plan still didn't change.

The plan only changed when they reached the planet and saw what an absolute mess it was. He went with Oishi to take a look, and there was absolute chaos. People fighting each other on the street, dressed in three distinctive colors: green, red, and blue. They discovered that the only way he was going to be able to actually get his fuel would be to end the civil war, since no one was willing to take two seconds away from their fighting to help them out. They even got attacked by a mob, who were angry that they hadn't chosen one of the three colors.

Atobe would have much preferred just to go to the next planet, but unfortunately that was much too far away...and he had no desire to be buried in shit.

Oishi was elated. He enjoyed any chance to "stop the war". Atobe suspected him of having been a hippy in a previous lifetime.

Atobe's away team this time consisted of himself, Oishi, Oshitari and Mukahi. Oshitari would help keep Mukahi in check, and also might help with seeing to the mental state of some of the idiots on the planet. Oishi was there for obvious reasons, and Mukahi was his secret weapon. He prayed it would not have to come to that.

"So what are we looking for, anyway?" Mukahi asked irritably. "We've been walking for _hours._"

In fact, they had only set foot on the planet five minutes ago...

"Now Gakuto, don't be difficult."

"Yuuushiiii..."

Atobe began to regret bringing the Whiner along. He sensed a terrible headache coming on. Especially since Oishi was _humming_ something disgustingly _cheerful_, because he was so excited at the prospect of ending a war.

"Psst."

Captain Atobe whirled around, stun-gun ready to blast his attacker into oblivion -- only it turned out that he wasn't being attacked.

"Please don't shoot," said the man, with his hands in the air. "I mean you no harm. I just wanted to help you."

"Help us?"

"You are not wearing any of the uniforms, you're obviously not from around here."

"We were traveling, and ran out of fuel. We were hoping we could find some here," Captain Atobe said. "Do you know where we can get some? You're the only person who has actually spoken to us so far, besides the ones who tried to kill us, that is."

"Ah, it's because you're not in any of the three colors. You see, there's a terrible war going on right now, because the land has been divided. The three princes have never gotten along, and, well...they each gathered followers, and now _this_ is happening."

"Oh, the horror!" Oishi cried.

Atobe's eye twitched. "You're not wearing any of the colors either," he said, noting the tan color of the man's shirt.

"No, because I'm part of the underground. Follow me, I'll show you the way. You'll be safe there, and we can talk more."

Captain Atobe did not know if he could really trust this man, but at this point he was getting a little desperate.

"Show us the way," he said.

~~~~~

"I don't _like_ sewers, because they _smell_," Mukahi whined.

Everyone ignored him.

"My name is Kajimoto, and I am the leader of the underground." Kajimoto lead them through the sewer to a hidden underground establishment. They passed many people dressed in that same tan color. They ended up in a small room, that looked like an office. "We do not follow any of the leaders, and one day we are going to rise against them..."

"Not more war!" Oishi wailed.

"No, we want to end the war. We're going to knock some sense into the heads of those morons." A new man appeared in the doorway. He had very vibrant orange hair, and he walked with an air of superiority. Atobe disliked him instantly. The man had too much ego.

"Ah, this is Wakato, my lov --" cough "second-in-command."

"That's right! We're not lovers because I'm damn popular with the ladies!" Wakato struck a pose, and cheering fangirls sounded in the background.

No one in the room was convinced...nor did they care.

"I am Captain Atobe. This is my communications officer Oishi, psychiatrist Oshitari, and chef, Mukahi."

"Chef?"

"He comes in handy," Atobe said.

"Why'd you bring these guys here?" Wakato asked.

"They were wandering around in those outfits, and attracting bad attention. I thought I would warn them about the situation of the planet."

"Were you the ones that sent the SOS?" Oishi asked excitedly. "We came here to help!"

"Oishi -- we came here for fuel," Atobe corrected.

"But we'll help in order to get fuel!"

"Really?" Kajimoto asked. "We really are in desperate need of assistance. The three princes, Kadio, Momoshiro, and Kamio are really out of line these days."

"The three Squabblers," Wakato said, with a snort. 

"We'll help you!" Oishi exclaimed, slamming a fist on the table. It cracked and broke. "Um...sorry. Anyway, tell me where they are! I'll end the fighting!"

"I don't see how --"

"Tell me!"

"There are three castles, all in a row, just a little east of here. You really can't miss them."

Oishi ran as fast as his legs could carry him.

Atobe sighed. "I don't think he ever really recovered from that injury he got a few years ago. A little off in the head."

"Very willing to please but...maybe a little bit reckless," Kajimoto said.

"Yes. Do you know where we can get fuel?"

"Well, any of the three princes would have some, since they're in charge of trade, but it's highly unlikely you'll get any at this rate."

"It's time for a plan, then," Atobe said. The crew members of the _Rondo to Destruction_ and the secret underground leaders discussed strategy well into the wee hours of the morning.

~~~~~

"Prince Kaido! Don't you think that what you're doing is _wrong?_"

Prince Kaido hissed. "I don't care. That baka Momoshiro deserves to be crushed into the ground."

"Well, what about your brother Prince Kamio?"

"He's a baka, too."

"But --"

"Guards. Get rid of this man." Hiss.

~~~~~

The first plan was to sneak in and steal some fuel, but the castles were well-guarded. They tried having Oshitari try and talk the guards to death with big words, but that didn't work. They tried having Oshitari scare the guards to death with big vivid descriptions of yaoi manga, but that didn't work, it got him arrested. They had to bail him out.

They tried dressing Mukahi up as a woman to try and seduce the guards, which worked right up until he opened his mouth and started complaining about how ugly, fat, and hairy the guards were.

They tried dressing Atobe up as a woman -- and he almost killed them.

They tried fighting the guards, but the guards called more guards, and they were terribly outnumbered.

Their last resort was to bring out Shinjyou, Kajimoto's secret weapon. He walked up to the guard, crossed his arms, and said in a very deep monotone "Deep Impulse."

The guard then found himself with a broken nose. He fell to his knees in pain, and they passed him. This process was repeated with all of the guards -- until they reached the last one. His nose was exceptionally large, so when Shinjyou hit it, his fist bounced off.

"Nande?" the guard demanded, then he called his buddies, and they were chased away yet again.

Plan A failed. It was time to move on to plan B.

~~~~~

"Prince Kamio! Surely you don't _really_ hate your brothers?"

"Damn it, Momoshiro stole my bike!" Prince Kamio yelled. "He never apologized for it! I hate him!"

"...What about Prince Kaido?"

"He beat me at tennis! He cheated, I swear! I'm going to get him back for that!"

"What about the people of the country? Don't they deserve better than this?"

"Get the hell out of my castle! I bet you just want to steal my bike, too!"

~~~~~

Plan B was even less successful than plan A, mostly because they didn't have nearly enough troops to storm the castle. There were a total of twelve people in the underground, and that was counting their pet iguana. (His name was George.)

"Back to the drawing board," Captain Atobe said, with a sigh.

"Do you think Oishi is having any luck?" Oshitari asked.

"Probably not."

~~~~~

"Prince Momoshiro! Please, listen to me! You have to stop this war?"

"Did Kaido put you up to this? Baka mamushi! I'll kill him!" Momoshiro growled. "I hate it when he sends spies over! Gah, it's worse when Kamio sends spies though, because he always gives them instructions to put snakes in my bed."

"..." Oishi's shoulders sagged. "I'm going, now."

"Wait, why don't you stay for dinner?" Momoshiro called after him. "You seem like a decent guy, even if Kaido did send you!"

Oishi was already gone.

~~~~~

Plan C, once they thought of it, was also a failure. There was no way they were going to be able to assassinate all of the Princes and put Kajimoto in charge, though the idea had some appeal.

"Well, since everything else has failed, even Oishi, then I have no choice left," Atobe said, with a sigh. "It's time to use my secret weapon."

Late that night, the three Princes all received messages containing maps. All three were curious men, so they decided to follow those maps.

~~~~~

"...and then I had to _walk_ a hundred freaking miles on this stupid planet, just so we could get the stupid fuel, and it's all your fault that I have a blister!" Mukahi screeched. 

Momoshiro's ears were ringing. Mukahi's voice rose in pitch with ever word. He had never faced a Whiner before.

"So if you _don't_ end this war soon, I'm going to _scream_ in your _ear_ for an entire day!" Mukahi exclaimed.

"Ah, no! No! I'm going to go make up with them right away!" Momoshiro said, and he ran away as fast as he possibly could.

~~~~~

Hiss.

"Yes, I understand what you mean, but this war is killing off the entire population of the planet," Kajimoto said. "I am worried for the people."

Hiss.

"If you are truly sorry, then please, end this war right now."

Hiss.

Kajimoto nodded. "I am sure that if you try and make peace, your brothers will listen."

Hiss.

"Thank you," Kajimoto said. No one had ever called him wise, before.

~~~~~

"Ah, Prince Kamio. Please, tell me how you feel," Oshitari purred.

"I..." Sniffle. "I...He stole my bike! It hurt me! It really, really hurt me!" he wailed.

"How long ago was that?"

"Twenty years...but it really hurt!"

"It's time to let go," Oshitari said soothingly. "It's time to move on."

"But...but..."

"Look into my eyes. You're getting sleepy...very sleepy...Now, when I count to ten, you will forgive Momoshiro for the bike incident."

~~~~~

"Momoshiro!"

"Just call me Momo-chan already!"

"Kaido!"

"Ssss!"

"Kamio!"

"Rhythm ni noru ze!" (?!)

There was a massive group hug. Captain Atobe heaved a long-suffering sigh.

"Oi! Happy brothers! Mind giving me a moment? I need my damn fuel," he said.

"Oh, right! Thank you so much for bringing us back together," Kamio said. "I really _missed _that bastard Momoshiro."

"Who's a bastard? If anyone's a bastard it's Kaido!"

"Nani? Leave me out of your petty arguments, you jerk!"

"Who's a jerk?!"

"For the love of all the gods, shut the HELL up or I'm going to KILL EVERY DAMN ONE OF YOU!"

The three brothers blinked at Atobe. He smiled pleasantly at them. "Give me my fuel."

They complied to the request very willingly. Captain Atobe bid them goodbye, bid Kajimoto and his lov -- second-in-command (they weren't lovers, because Wakato was loved by all the ladies!) good luck with the three idiots, and then got the hell off of the cursed planet.

~~~~~

"Yes, Oishi, tell me how you feel."

"I...I feel that I failed again," Oishi said, between sobs. "I can never make the fighting stop!"

"It's not your fault, Oishi. People fight. It's in human nature."

"Why can't we all just get along?" Oishi started to bawl. Oshitari patted his shoulder.

"There, there. If you keep trying, I'm sure that you'll succeed."

~~~~~

"Captain, there's something weird on the radar thingy," Sengoku said. "I have a feeling it's not very lucky."

"What does it look like?" Atobe asked. 

"Well...a ship, but a really funky-looking ship. It's got this really big, fuzzy black aura surrounding it."

"According to my data, that is a demon ship," Mr. Inui said.

"Just what we need...na, Kabaji?"

"Usu."

"They fuzzy aura is coming closer!" Sengoku exclaimed.

"We're on a collision course!" Shishido exclaimed. 

"Whoa, they're starting to shoot at us!" Sengoku exclaimed.

"Well then, do something about it, you twits!" Atobe exclaimed.

The ship heaved, and some missiles were launched into...somewhere...

~~~~~

  
TBC


	6. In which Atobe is Not Amused

Part 6

"Captain, the missiles...were just eaten by that crazy black aura!"

Captain Atobe of the _Rondo to Destruction _heard some dramatic background music playing. He knew that it was almost time for him to do something heroic. It was just a shame that he really had no ideas.

"Shishido!"

"I tried to veer off, but we're being sucked into that black stuff!"

"..." Captain Atobe sighed. It seemed that they were doomed to some sort of horrible fate, or something. It was such an unfit way for someone as beautiful as he was to die!

"Oishi. Send the ship a message. Tell them...that Atobe Keigo is not amused."

A shiver went through everyone who heard that statement.

"Captain...they replied with...well...I'll put them on screen," Oishi said.

A very pretty boy with closed eyes appeared on the screen. "It sounds as though you are angry."

"Well, you _are_ sucking my ship into that strange black aura."

"Oh, I just wanted to meet you!"

"What are you talking about?" Atobe demanded.

"I have a friend of yours with me. A very special friend. I think you might want him back...but I'm not going to give him back. He wants to stay with me."

Captain Atobe hated to admit it, but he was really baffled. How would this boy know anything about his friends? (Besides, Atobe didn't _have_ friends, he had minions.)

"You are Atobe Keigo of the _Rondo to Destruction,_ are you not?" the smiling boy asked. "I've heard all about you, and all about the Alliance. I knew they would send someone, and I'm rather glad that it's you."

"..."

"Ne, Tezuka, why don't you come out and say hello to your old school friend?"

Atobe was not a person who lowered himself to gaping, but...well, it was a little odd to see Tezuka appear on the screen. He looked as stoic as he always had, back in school when they'd been in some classes together. They'd both made it to Captain, after proving themselves over and over -- though Tezuka won the respect of his colleagues, rather than demanding it. 

"Captain Tezuka?"

"Hn." Tezuka's arms were crossed over his chest. He had his trademark expression on his face, but there was something...off.

"What are you doing on that ship?"

"I've kidnapped him," the smiling boy said. "I've made him my toy." The closed eyes opened, and...they were very, very red.

"Demon!" Atobe exclaimed.

"Why yes! Tezuka-chan came to our planet to try and negotiate, but none of us really felt like listening to a human. I had much more fun seducing him. He's joined the dark side, and he's going to help me take over the universe!"

"Is this true?" Captain Atobe demanded.

"...yes."

"Tezuka! No! How could you?!" communications officer Oishi wailed. "How could you do something so terrible!" Oishi had once served under Captain Tezuka, before Tezuka had gone into a more solo career.

Tezuka said nothing. 

The Demon laughed. "He joined the dark side because I forced him to, of course. He doesn't have any free will anymore."

"You can't take over the universe! I'm going to take over the damn universe!" Hiyoshi exclaimed. He was swabbing the deck, so to speak.

"Janitor! Get out of here," Atobe commanded.

"I hate my life!" Hiyoshi wailed. He broke his mop over his knee, and then limped off.

"Fuji. Don't hurt them," Tezuka said.

"Why not?" Fuji asked. "I like to see people suffer." He pressed a button.

"Ah, crap! Missiles headed this way! Really freaking big ones!" Sengoku announced.

"Fantastic. Shishido, evasive manoeuvres!"

"That would be fine, if we could move!"

"This is so _not_ lucky!"

"Tezuka! How could you? How could you? You were such a great man! Why join the side of darkness when you could rise against it? Without war of course, because we should all try to get along, and..."

The ship heaved.

"Atobe! Wah, Atobe!" Jiroh's voice squealed from the communicator. "Our shields are down!"

"From one missle?"

"It was a really freaking big one!"

"Incidentally, have you seen my little brother Yuuta?" Fuji the Demon asked. "He's very cute, there's an x-shaped scar on his head, and there's a purple bastard trying to control him that I desperately want to kill. I seem to have forgotten the bastard's name, however."

"I remember him," Akutsu said, from where he was leaning against a doorframe. "He was on the opposite side of that...that..." a shudder ran through his body, then he ran out of the room, sobbing.

"Ah, so he's still in the company of that bastard then. Interesting." Fuji pressed another button.

"Atobe! What the hell is going on? The ship is _jerking_," Mukahi whined, appearing on deck. "I don't like it when it does that! Have we been _hit_ or something? Make it stop, _now_."

"What is that?" Fuji asked, fascinated. "I've never seen the likes of him before."

"It's a Whiner," Tezuka replied.

"Interesting." He pressed another button.

"Holy shit!" Sengoku shrieked. "I don't want to die! I'm supposed to be lucky, lucky!"

"According to my data, if we get hit one more time, the ship will explode," Mr. Inui said calmly.

"Thank you very much for the analysis," Captain Atobe said. "Oishi, close off communication!" Tezuka and Fuji disappeared from the screen. "Now, Mr. Inui, have you any ideas?"

"No."

"..." Captain Atobe thought for a moment. "Jiroh. Prepare the engine for warp twelve million."

"Whoa! Dude! That will be fast enough to make us melt into puddles of goo!" Jiroh shrieked excitedly. "FUNFUNFUN!"

"Are you sure this is wise?" Mr. Inui asked. "Considering the state of the ship, we'll probably evaporate the second we take off."

Atobe posed for a moment. "It's the only option we have left," he said, heroically. Damn, he wished that someone had a camera, to capture the moment! He could have added it to his scrap book.

"Shishido. Warp twelve million."

Shishido said a silent prayer to whatever deity might be listening, then he pressed the Magic Red Button (TM).

The ship coughed, wheezed...and then everyone was flattened to the floor as it went faster than the speed of...something really, really fast.

~~~~~

"Shishido! Make it stop!" someone wailed. It wasn't Captain Atobe, because he was far above begging, of course.

Shishido pressed the Magic Blue Button (TM) and the ship slowed down to a much more acceptable speed.

Captain Atobe returned to an upright position, and tried to restore his hairdo to its normal perfection.

"Remind me never to do that again, Kabaji."

"Usu."

"Have we outrun them?" Atobe asked.

"Well...I don't see anymore black aura," Sengoku said. His cheer had returned. 

"Good. Shishido, figure out where the hell we are, and get the ship back on course for the planet Panta Loon."

"You do realize that we had Tezuka within reach, and ran away from him?" Mr. Inui commented.

"I am well aware of that, Mr. Inui. Next time we encounter them, we will be prepared," Atobe said, narrowing his eyes. (He loved sounding dangerous! He knew it made his sexy voice even sexier!)

~~~~~

"Yes, please, tell me how you feel."

"Damn it, _I_ want to take over the universe!"

"You can do anything if you set your mind to it," Oshitari said encouragingly.

"Well, yeah, but he even kidnapped _Tezuka_! Why didn't I think of that first? I could have done so much!"

"There there," Oshitari said. "Your wounds will heal with time, and support from family and friends."

"You _suck_, psychiatrist!"

"I think it is time for me to wipe your memory once again."

"What? Noooo!"

~~~~~

"Hey captain! I've spotted a ship! It looks kind of familiar."

Captain Atobe sighed. This just wasn't his day. "What does it look like?"

"Well, it's showing up as a purple dot."

"This is just what I needed. Space pirate Mizuki." Atobe sighed again.

Akutsu, who had returned to lean on the same doorframe, made a terrible squealing sound, and ran away again.

Captain Atobe...sighed.

~~~~~

TBC


	7. Space Pirate Mizuki Frolicks Amongst the...

Part 7

"Captain, we're receiving a message from the other ship and...I don't feel comfortable reading it out loud," Oishi said.

That caught Sengoku's interest. He peered over Oishi's shoulder. "Whoa! The purple pansy certainly knows how to curse!"

"Let me see that," Shishido said. "Wow. That's even worse than _me_. This guy must really be angry."

"He should be. I fouled his plans after all." Atobe resisted the urge to start laughing maniacally. Evil laughter was for the privacy of one's home. "Put the fairy onscreen," he commanded.

He immediately regretted that action, due to the fact that Mizuki was clothed entirely in pink...ruffles.

"Atobe Keigo! You're going to pay for what you did to me!" Mizuki screeched, pointing his finger at the captain of the _Rondo to Destruction._ "You made me crash land on the planet Manly Man! It was _horrible_! They tried to _convert_ me! They took away all my purple and pink, and they..." Mizuki sniffled. The Demon beside him patted his shoulder.

"Hey, isn't that the guy that the Demon dude Fuji was talking about?" Sengoku asked. "Are you Fuji's little brother?"

The Demon...twitched. "For the gods' sakes, _no!_" he wailed. "I'm me! Damn it, my name is _Yuuta_ and I'm the terrifying space pirate Mizuki's henchman! I have no relation to Fuji Syusuke whatsoever!"

"He sounds bitter," Sengoku commented to Shishido. 

Shishido shrugged. "I don't really care, do you?"

"Not especially."

Yuuta...was crying.

"That's it! Atobe Keigo, I'm sending you to Hell! And I hope that in Hell you'll be sentenced to an eternity of doing _manual labour_!"

Atobe gripped the armrests of his chair. Manual labour? Mizuki had gone too far this time.

"We're going to have a real battle this time, bitch," he growled.

Mizuki started to cackle like a demented hyena. "Oh yes, Keigo-chan, we're going to have a _fine _battle! Yohei, press The Button!"

"I'm Kohei, damn it!"

"I don't give a shit! Just press it!"

Kohei, the shooter (as opposed to Yohei, the pilot) pressed The Button.

"Captain! Missiles headed this way!" Sengoku blinked. "...giant purple missiles."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. Fire back, with everything we've got!"

"Okay!" Sengoku pressed something random. The giant purple missiles were intercepted by missiles from the _Rondo to Destruction_ (which were a tasteful shade of silver.)

"Lucky!"

"Damn it!" Mizuki exclaimed. "Those missiles are supposed to be invincible!"

"Maybe you shouldn't have painted them," Yuuta said helpfully.

"Shut up!" Mizuki said. "Turn off the screen!"

The image of Mizuki winked off. Atobe breathed a sigh of relief. His eyes were beginning to hurt from the pinkness of it all.

"Sengoku. Blast them away."

"Lucky!"

A dark cloud appeared above Atobe's head. "Akutsu. Please kill my shooter."

Akutsu probably would have complied, but he was still cowering in his room, shaking in fear of the Glurb.

Sengoku blasted the _Purple Terror_, and it spiralled down, and down. It crash landed on the nearest planet. In real life, if a space ship crash landed, it would probably blow into smithereens, and everyone on it would die, but space ships like this one don't really exist, therefore, Mizuki and his crew could quite possibly survive through more than one crash landing with nothing more than a few scratches and bruises, although to Mizuki that's probably almost as bad as dying and --

"Shinji, you're not allowed to be the narrator anymore," said the director, and Ibu Shinji was promptly fired.

Captain Atobe ordered Shishido to land on the planet. "This time, I'm going to finish things with that pirate, and I won't have to keep getting interrupted by his frilly idiocy," he said.

~~~~~

They landed near the wreck that had once been the _Purple Terror._ It hadn't been in very good shape in the first place, due to its first unfortunate crash, but now...it was ready for the scrap heap.

Mizuki knelt by it, bawling like a little whiny baby. "Oh, you've killed it! You've killed my beautiful ship!"

"Thank the gods," Captain Atobe muttered. He gave himself a pat on the back for his good deed to the universe. Then he made Kabaji give him a pat on the back, just for good measure.

"Atobe! I'm going to _kill_ you!" Mizuki shrieked. "Yanagisawa! Kill Atobe for me!"

The Glurb slithered out of the shadows. Atobe had to use all of his will power in order to keep from cowering. Oh, those lips, those lips, how terrifying!

"Da ne!" said the Glurb.

Akutsu, who had just become brave enough to emerge from his bedroom onto the planet, screamed bloody murder. "Ah! It's him!" he wailed.

"It's time to face your fears," Oshitari the psychiatrist said, appearing out of nowhere. Perverts really had mysterious powers. "If you can face that Glurb now, he'll never haunt you again."

"But --"

"Become the macho man you once were, Akutsu," Oshitari said.

Akutsu clenched his fists, made a growling sound, and then his eyes popped out of his head. "I'm Akutsu! Akutsu Jin! And Akutsu Jin is afraid of _no one_!"

"Oh, you're so cool, Akutsu-sempai!" Dan Taichi sniffled.

Akutsu stomped a few feet, stood right in front of the Glurb, and blew a raspberry.

The Glurb...screamed.

"Ahhh, da ne!" it cried. "Not that, da ne! Anything but that, da ne!"

Akutsu...smirked. Then he continued to blow raspberries until Yanagisawa was reduced to a whimpering mass of goo.

"Well, fairy queen, what are you going to do now, aa?" Atobe asked smugly. "My chief of security just defeated your Glurb!"

Mizuki looked positively put out. His ruffles were vibrating.

"That is _it_, Atobe Keigo! You, me, fight, now!"

Atobe was only too willing to comply.

The witnesses of the fight would never forget that day. The fight was...something else entirely. Mizuki was a whirl of pink ruffles, and Atobe was a whirl of...well, Atobe. It went down in history as the scariest catfight ever.

"The victor...is me!" Atobe announced. He had his foot on Mizuki's throat. "It's time for you to die, pastel pansy man!"

Mizuki's eyes were wide with terror.

"No! Please don't kill him!" Yuuta exclaimed. "He's not such a bad guy, really."

Atobe raised an eyebrow. "This coming from a Demon? And the Demon Fuji's younger brother, to boot."

"Damn it! I told you, I'm _Yuuta! _Yuuta, Yuuta, Yuuta!" Fuji's little brother exclaimed. "I joined Mizuki to get away from my brother, and get my own reputation! Argh! But that's not the point I'm trying to make here! Mizuki-san may be a pirate, but he would never actually _hurt_ anybody. He's sweet that way."

"So, he really is a pansy."

"I suppose you could look at it that way," Yuuta admitted. "Just don't kill him, or...I'll cry."

"..." Atobe backed off of Mizuki. "If you ever cause trouble for me again, I'll break your scrawny little neck."

Mizuki glared at him, and scrambled up off the ground. His eyes widened as he took a good look at his surroundings.

"This...this is..."

Atobe hadn't noticed where they were either, until Mizuki mentioned it.

"..." The trees...were pink.

"I'm home!" Mizuki exclaimed. "I'm really home! Oh, I've been searching for this planet forever! Yuuta, we're here!" He began frolicking amongst the pinkness.

"I need a drink," Captain Atobe said, and he returned to his ship.

~~~~~

"So, Mizuki was stealing all this time to pay for his trip home," Oishi said. He'd had a long talk with the space pirate Mizuki about right and wrong.

"Why was he stealing sexy men, then?"

"..." Oishi blushed.

"Never mind. Forget I asked." Atobe sighed. "Well, that ends the ordeal with the purple space pirate, I suppose. We won't be seeing him again, now that he's in his natural habitat."

"He looked so happy there!" Oishi said.

"Yes." Atobe had scheduled a session with Oshitari to wipe the memory of Mizuki frolicking from his mind, but he didn't mention that to Oishi.

"All's well that ends well!" Oishi said.

"Lucky!" said Sengoku.

"Why the hell did I have to get fired? I think I made a good narrator. And they all lived happily ever after and --"

Shinji was cut off by a very large blunt object connecting with his face.

~~~~~

In a secret location (aka his cabin) Oshitari was wiping his eyes with a tissue, after having watched a particularly heart-warming movie.

"Ah, I love a good romance," he said.

Mukahi, white-faced, turned to gawk at him. "Yuushi...every single character in that movie ended up being chopped to bits by a weed-whacker. You call that romance?"

Oshitari sniffled. "It's fairly inspiring."

"...I think I'll sleep in my own room tonight."

~~~~~

"What are we really doing here, anyway?" Atobe sighed, lounging in his golden bath robe. He was beginning to question the meaning of his mission. After all, were they ever really going to be able to get Tezuka back? And if they didn't, would they really have to go to the planet Panta Loon? He shuddered.

"Usu," Kabaji said.

"..." Kabaji had his uses, but conversation was not one of them.

"I think it would be a good time for some intervention by the gods," Atobe said. "Although this is sci-fi, so I don't know how well-recieved that would be."

"Usu."

"...Kabaji, get out."

"Usu."

Atobe had trouble falling asleep that night. It pissed him off -- perfect men should always have perfect sleep!

When he finally did drift off, he had a very, very strange dream. (That did _not _involve anything remotely to do with the members of his crew in showgirl outfits in a can-can line.)

TBC


	8. The Beautiful Manly Goddess

A/N: This chapter is more useless than the rest, but it's a filler. Part nine will most likely include the final battle, so please stay tuned! Don't be put off by the bad humor!! (Isn't that why you were reading in the first place?!)

Part 8

Captain Atobe Keigo did not usually let his dreams disturb him, but after waking up in a cold sweat due to a really _weird_ one, he decided that he should have it analyzed.

"Ah, Atobe. Tell me how you feel."

"I don't feel any different than usual," Atobe said. "I just came to ask if you could interpret a dream for me."

"I can try. Night activities are my specialty you know."

"I hope you meant dreaming."

"Of course, what else?"

"Well, I dreamt that a beautiful goddess (not as beautiful as I am, of course) spoke to me," Atobe said. "I'm sure that most normal and low-life people dream about that sort of thing, but I've never allowed myself to have dreams like that before."

"So, you think that this goddess was actually speaking to you?"

"Well, what goddess wouldn't want to speak to ore-sama?"

Oshitari made a hmm-ing noise. "Gods and goddesses don't usually directly intervene in the lives of mere mortals, you know."

"True, but before I had the dream, I was speaking to Kabaji about how intervention from the gods might be necessary to continue on this mission," Atobe said. "Maybe this goddess can help lead me to Tezuka. Besides, I am not just a mere mortal. I am Captain Atobe Keigo, of the _Rondo to Destruction_!"

"Ah, yes. Your fly is undone."

"...you will speak to no one of this."

"Of course."

~~~~~

"I dreamt about this really beautiful goddess last night," Oishi said. "She mentioned Tezuka, and told me not to worry, but I..."

"Go ahead and tell me how you feel, Oishi."

"I still can't believe that Tezuka went to the dark side!" 

"It happens to many people, even the ones we least suspect. All that you can do is pray for him," Oshitari said, "And next time you see him, assure him that you still care, and will forgive him for any of his sins."

Oishi stared at Oshitari in awe. "You know so much about emotions!"

Oshitari smiled. "I watch a lot of television."

~~~~~

"Ah, Dan-kun. I don't see you in here often. Tell me all your problems."

"I'm worried, desu! I had this dream about a goddess, and she talked to me about Captain Tezuka, desu! She told me everything would be okay, but...What if we can't rescue Tezuka-san from the Demon Fuji, desu? Will Captain Atobe get fired, desu? Will Akutsu-sempai and I be out of a job, desu? If that happens, will Akutsu-sempai have to go back to being an underwear model, desu??!!"

To Oshitari's credit, he did not even blink at the mention of Akutsu being an underwear model. "Only the gods know what will happen," Oshitari said. "Maybe even they don't know. Try not to worry about it, just live for the moment."

"Ah, but the biggest problem is that I _liked_ it when Akutsu-sempai was an underwear model, desu! I was his manager, desu!"

"That's only natural," said the psychiatrist soothingly. "Although I don't see what you find so appealing about Akutsu in his underwear, but as they say, to each his own."

"Oh, you're so _good_ at your job, Oshitari-sempai!"

"Why thank you, Dan-kun. I do my best."

~~~~~

"Singing in the bathtub...something something...la la la..." It was not a well-known fact, but Akutagawa Jiroh, chief engineer of the _Rondo to Destruction_, did indeed bathe. Of course, the fact that he bathed was not in question; the fact that he was actually awake enough to bathe properly was something that no one cared to speculate upon. It was most likely that no one really cared whether he bathed or not, so long as he did not smell funky, which he never did.

In any case, Jiroh was bathing late one night, after having awoken from a rather interesting dream about exploding pigs. There were too many bubbles in his bath to properly observe him -- therefore, the fanservice must end, and the story continues.

~~~~~

"Ah, Atobe. I think there's something you should know," Oshitari said. "You are not the only one who has been dreaming of this lovely goddess."

"What? She's been gracing my underlings with her presence?" Atobe was not jealous, he was outraged.

"Ah, and Jiroh swears that it's a man," Oshitari continued.

"A man as beautiful as I am does not exist! Not even a god can outdo my beauty!" Atobe exclaimed. "Therefore, he is wrong. His judgement tends to be off about certain things, anyway."

"Well, that's true enough. I'm glad that his judgement is right about the engine, though."

"As am I." Atobe turned to go, but was struck with a thought. "Out of curiosity, who exactly has been having these dreams, aside from my sexy self?"

"Well, there's Jiroh, Shishido, Ohtori, Gakuto, Dan, Akutsu, Sengoku, and my sexy self."

"..." Atobe was angry. This goddess was certainly not very picky, was she?

"Oh, and the janitor."

"Even the _janitor_?"

"I heard that, you bastard!" Hiyoshi exclaimed, and he threw his duster at Atobe's face. Atobe dodged it easily, then the duster bounced off the wall, connected with Hiyoshi's face, and he fell to the ground, unconscious.

"I really should get a new janitor," Atobe said. "He's just so damn good at it!"

"He does make everything sparkle," Oshitari agreed.

~~~~~

The ship was buzzing with gossip about these dreams of a beautiful goddess. Sometimes even Jiroh woke up, said, "It's a god," and then went back to sleep.

However, even though this goddess was telling them not to worry, they were all growing increasingly more worried by the second. Before, they hadn't really bothered to think about the fact that they were out to rescue Tezuka. They were just along for the ride, really...but now that a goddess was involved, that meant that what they were doing was actually _important._

Even the god-like Atobe was suffering from the tension.

"Shishido. Where the hell are we?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

"What the hell is that thing on the radar?"

"Who the hell knows?"

"Can't all of you shut the hell up?"

"Oh, go to hell!"

"What the hell is wrong with everyone?" Doctor Ohtori asked, appearing on the bridge.

"Everyone's been having hellish dreams, so they're in one hell of a bad mood," Mr. Inui replied.

"Doctor Ohtori! What are you doing on the bridge?" Captain Atobe asked.

"I came to inform you that everyone seems to be suffering from lack of sleep," Doctor Ohtori said. "Except for Jiroh, that is."

"That's because of these dreams of the goddess," Atobe said. "Apparently everyone is having them. It's becoming rather annoying."

"Has anyone actually tried...well...speaking to this goddess?" Oishi asked. "Maybe if we talk to her, she'll stop bothering us, and we can all sleep again."

Everyone turned to look at Oishi. For once, his suggestion made sense.

"I'd rather talk to her while I'm awake," Atobe said. He didn't want to admit anything embarrassing in the dream world, where he had less control over his speech. Even goddesses had no need to know that he still slept with a stuffed animal. Granted, it was a stuffed plushie of himself, but still.

"None of you are getting the point."

"Oishi! I didn't order you to put anyone on screen!"

"I didn't, captain!"

Atobe stared at the beautiful goddess that was before him. "Who are you?" he demanded. No, he wasn't even going to bow before a goddess.

"I am the god Yukimura, and --"

"See! I was right!" Jiroh exclaimed, bouncing up and down.

"Get off the bridge!" Atobe commanded. "Kabaji, remove him."

"Usu."

"...as I was saying, I am the god Yukimura, and --"

"Are you sure you're a man?" Shishido asked. "You certainly don't look like one."

A vein appeared on Yukimura's forehead. "I am a _male_ god. Now, if you'll please listen to me..."

"Hey, I remember!" Sengoku exclaimed. "Yukimura!! Yeah!! The really beautiful, kind, loving god who watches out for people who can't take care of themselves!!"

"..." Atobe glared at the god. "You think I can't take care of myself?"

Yukimura sighed. "I just wanted to let you all know that you're following a divine path, and --"

"Fate is almost like luck!" Sengoku exclaimed. "We're being directed by a god? Lucky!"

"Akutsu! Kill him!" This time Akutsu was there, and he was only too happy to comply.

"Ah! Akutsu-sempai! Don't do it, desu!"

"It's captain's orders."

"But..."

"Idiots," Yukimura muttered. "Kirihara. Please, do your thing."

A little angel appeared on board the _Rondo to Destruction_. He was very cute, with feathery white wings and a golden halo, but there were distinctive devil horns on his forehead.

He fluttered over to Captain Atobe, and promptly bit down on his shoulder.

"Ah! You monstrous wretch! Kabaji, kill it!"

Kabaji, however, was not back yet from relocating Jiroh.

"Atobe Keigo," the god Yukimura said. "You are on a divine path. You will rescue Captain Tezuka, and restore him to his proper position in the world of good. You will defeat the Demon Fuji."

"Of course I will! I don't need _you_ to tell me that!" Atobe exclaimed.

"..." Yukimura blinked. "You were the one asking for divine guidance."

"I thought for a fleeting moment that the gods might have higher knowledge," he said. "I should never have doubted ore-sama's intelligence."

"Why you! Stop insulting your god!" exclaimed a very angry voice.

Atobe blinked at the new arrival. Was this new man a god too? Did gods wear baseball caps? It seemed highly unlikely.

"Genichirou...I have things under control," Yukimura said.

"Like hell! These idiots aren't even listening to you! They deserve to die!"

"Not everyone is going to fall under the spell of his beauty," said yet another new arrival. "Although they are in the lower percentile."

"This is getting _stupid_," whined the Whiner, who had been on the bridge for quite some time now. "I came down here looking for Yuushi, and you're all acting _stupid_. Where is Yuushi anyway? He owes me dinner, and --"

Mukahi continued on and on, and on and on, and -- finally, looking a little worse for wear, Yukimura and his associates decided it was time to run away and leave the _Rondo to Destruction _to its own devices.

"Remember, Atobe Keigo -- look to the heavens, and you will not fail!" Yukimura said, and then he winked off the screen. Kirihara disappeared, leaving only bite marks in Atobe's shoulder.

"Captain! We've been relocated!" Shishido exclaimed. "Yukimura must have moved us somewhere!"

"And the funky black aura is onscreen!" Sengoku exclaimed. "I don't know if it's lucky or not, but we've found Tezuka again!"

"Tezuka...This time, I'll rescue him," Atobe said. "This time...I'll be the victor!"

TBC


	9. Fuji Cleverly Avoids Confrontation

A/N: I have to say that I'm touched by the number of reviews I've received for this fic. It was awfully fun to write, and I'm glad you're having fun reading it, even if you all do need therapy afterwards. This is the end. I hope that you enjoy it.

Part 9

"Send the ship a message, Oishi," Atobe commanded. "Tell them that ore-sama is back, and this time, ready for action!"

"Their reply is somewhat...interesting," Oishi said, a few minutes later. "Well, it's full of death threats, and it's covered in...hearts."

"..." Atobe twitched. "Just put them onscreen."

"Captain Atobe!" Fuji said cheerfully. "Have you come to be killed? What fun!"

"I've come to take back Tezuka," Captain Atobe Keigo said.

"Oh really? I guess we shall have a duel then! Why not land on the planet Demon, and duel there? On my ground, you're sure to lose."

Atobe snorted. "I will not lose, anywhere. Show me the way to the planet Demon, Demon."

"Ah, you're very agreeable today. Very well, then. Follow me."

"Shishido. Follow the ship," Atobe commanded. "We are going to the planet Demon."

~~~~~

Demon was very...bleak. He and Fuji stood facing each other in a vast dessert, wind whipping through their hair.

"So, Captain Atobe. It comes to this," Fuji said.

"Aa, it does," Atobe replied. 

"This is so dramatic, desu!" Dan Taichi wailed. "I'm afraid that our captain is going to get killed, desu! Then the Demon might _eat_ us, desu!"

"If he gets killed, we'll just take off," Akutsu said, assuring the little guy in his own macho way. 

The crew of the _Rondo to Destruction _was lined up to watch the momentous event.

"Well, Captain Atobe, for my first move...I'm going to make you fight Tezuka!" Fuji said. Tezuka stepped forward.

"Tezuka...are you really going to do this?" Atobe asked. "After all we've been through together?"

Actually, they'd never been through anything together, except for school, and they hadn't even spoken to each other much back then, but...it seemed like the perfect thing to say, and Atobe Keigo was Perfection itself.

"Atobe. I'm sorry," Tezuka said. "He's controlling me, and I can't stop myself."

"I understand. I won't hold back while I fight you," Atobe said. He put his hand to his face, and peeked through his fingers like it was peekaboo.

"Ah, I see your weakness, Captain Tezuka!" he exclaimed. He raised his stun-gun, and pointed it to Tezuka's shoulder. After one blast, Tezuka was on the ground, grunting in pain.

"My insight never lies! Bwahahaha!" Atobe cackled.

"That was fast," Shishido commented.

"Yes. Captain Atobe is very thorough," Doctor Ohtori agreed. He rushed to help Tezuka with his shoulder. He half expected the Demon Fuji to stop him, but Fuji was busy glaring at Atobe with open red eyes.

"This is it, Atobe. The final battle."

"I know."

"So then, let's fight."

"..."

"..."

Tumbleweeds rolled by.

"Make the first move, then."

"No, you first, I insist."

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that one!"

"Don't you trust me, Captain Atobe?"

"...of course not!"

"I see that my innocent face does not work on you."

"Your face is about as innocent as my ass!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Let's forget I ever said that."

"Actually, I intend to use that statement to blackmail you."

"..."

"Get this damn fight over with already!" Mukahi exclaimed. "I'm _tired_ of standing here! I want to go and have a _bath_, preferably with Yuushi!"

"Ah, that sounds lovely, Gakuto."

"I could use a Whiner like you," Fuji said. "Won't you join the dark side with me?"

"Yeah right!" Mukahi snorted. "As if I'd join the dark side. It doesn't pay nearly as well!"

"What about you?" Fuji turned to Oshitari. "You look like the sort who would enjoy the dark side."

"Oh yes, but it wouldn't be as much fun as the _Rondo to Destruction_," Oshitari said.

Fuji turned to each of Atobe's crew members, and made them the same offer. They all refused him.

Even Hiyoshi.

"You suck! _I'm_ going to take over the universe, not you! I wouldn't join your side even if you begged me to! GEKOKUJYOU!" Hiyoshi started to cackle, forgot to breathe, and then he passed out. After which, he was promptly ignored.

"Your crew seems very loyal, Captain Atobe Keigo," Fuji said. "However did you manage to get them to obey you this well?"

"I'm quite possibly the sexiest man...well, ever," Atobe said. "Why _wouldn't_ they want to be around me?"

"And he's a good captain, desu!"

"Even if his attitude stinks!"

"oo lucky!"

"All this fighting! Why can't we just learn to get along?"

"zzz."

"I'm Akutsu! Akutsu Jin!"

"Ah...if you have a problem, just tell me how you feel..."

"Whine whine, blah blah blah, _whiiiine_!"

"Enough!" Fuji exclaimed. "I understand. You've won this time, Atobe, but next time, I won't go so easy on you."

Fuji disappeared.

"..."

"Hey, he totally just got out of actually fighting you!" Sengoku observed brilliantly. 

"Maybe he's just a weakling after all," Atobe said. Secretly, he felt very lucky that Fuji had not decided to show his true strength. He would rather avoid seeing what that particular Demon could do...but Fuji would be back, one day, and then...

Well, until then, he had many things to do.

"Tezuka. Consider yourself rescued," Atobe said, turning to the other captain.

"Aa. Thank you for your trouble, Captain Atobe."

"Tezuka!" Oishi cried. "Oh Tezuka, I'm so glad you're back on the side of good! You are, aren't you? Fuji's power has no hold over you anymore, right?"

"Hn."

"Oh Tezuka! It's so good to hear your grunt again!"

Atobe was growing impatient with the touching reunion. "Let's get you back to Earth, so I can collect my rewards," he said.

~~~~~

"Ah, Captain Tezuka. Would you care to share your feelings?"

"..."

"It helps if you let it all out. Being with that Demon must have been traumatizing."

"..."

"If you don't want to talk, then why did you come here?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Are you sure you don't want to talk?"

"I want my Mommy," Tezuka said, and he began to cry.

"There there, Captain. It will get better with time, I promise."

~~~~~

In a dark corner of the ship, the janitor (Hiyoshi, damn it!) cackled evilly to himself. Soon, very soon, his plans would be executed, and he would take over the universe!

Just as soon as he was finished the laundry.

~~~~~

Captain Atobe Keigo saluted Admiral Sakaki.

"Captain Tezuka has been returned as you ordered, sir!" 

"Good work, Captain."

Atobe took his well-deserved praise. He was also looking forward to his well-deserved holiday.

"However, something has come up." 

"What is it this time?!"

"Well, it turns out that the planet Panta Loon is becoming rather...hostile. I need to send someone in to negotiate, and since Captain Tezuka needs to be given time to recover from his ordeal...you are the best choice."

"You thought of me _second_?" Atobe was insulted. "Bring on this mission, Admiral."

Well, he wouldn't mind missing his holiday. After all, on the _Rondo to Destruction,_ surrounded by his dysfunctional crew, he was in his element. 

When he left the room, his crew members were waiting for him.

"So, Captain, where are we going this time?" Sengoku asked.

"On an adventure," Captain Atobe Keigo replied, with a wide grin, that was rather out of character.

"Ooo! Lucky!"

"Akutsu..."

"Yes, Captain!"

"Aaaah!"

"Yuuuushiii, my _feet_ hurt. Will you _carry_ me?"

"That sounds delicious, Gakuto."

"zzz."

"Gekokujyou, mwahhahaha!"

"Usu."

"Please, just try and get along!"

"..." Atobe Keigo was developing yet another headache. Maybe he really should get a new crew, after all...too bad that all of them were the best that any of the worlds had to offer.

~~~~~

The End


End file.
